Check out the Program! | Building Your Fire

Are you ready to learn how you can improve your romantic relationship?

Building Your Fire is an 8-week, one-on-one coaching program to help men learn how they can improve their marriages or romantic relationships.

Common Struggles

Constantly fighting or arguing about the same things over and over.
Something just feels off, maybe you know what it is or maybe you can't quite put your finger on it.
You might be feeling stuck and frustrated constantly trying to fix your relationship problems, feeling like you’re not getting anywhere and don’t know what else to do.
You want to know what to do differently to feel like you can actually improve your relationship.

Ways this might be showing up.

Thinking about every problem in the relationship as something you need to fix.
Your partner is giving you the feedback that they feel like you’re not listening, or don’t care.
Having a hard time feeling connected.
Difficulty with intimacy.
Having problems with your “communication".

How this program can help.

The truth is, most men have been taught their whole lives to focus on how they're going to fix their problems. As a result, it can be difficult to recognize that there is any other way to go about things.

I want to help men move from trying to fix all of their relational problems to more of a relationship-building mindset. I want to help men learn to focus on improving the quality of connection in their relationships.

In addition to working on your relationship, you will also learn more about yourself and how you can improve your own mental health and emotional well-being.

More self-awareness.
Better understanding of what you need and how to take care of you, in and out of your relationship.
Improving your ability to communicate effectively in your relationship.

My name is Chris L'Esperance

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Santa Cruz California. I have been practicing as a therapist for about a decade. During that time, I have worked with many couples and individuals and I've learned quite a bit about relationships. I've learned a lot about what works and what doesn't. I have created this program based on the information I’ve learned to trust that I think you need to build a strong, connected, and resilient romantic relationship.

Building Your Fire
8-Week
Program Outline

Week one will be an introduction and overview of the material we will be covering throughout the program. I will also be discussing how to cultivate a strong relationship mindset.

In week 2 I will introduce some important subjects that are important to healthy relationships including self-regulation, attachment theory, and emotional safety in relationships.

In week 3 we will be discussing how you can build and attend to your own, personal fire. The importance of being able to identify your own emotions, emotional needs, values, and intentions. We will also be discussing the importance of self-care.

In week 4 I will be introducing important relationship skills and practices. Healthy relational communication. Building your Relational Fire.

In week 5 we continue the discussion of attending to your relational fire. Introducing the concept of autonomy vs. obligation in relationships.

In week 6 we will discuss learning to identify and embrace differences in the relationship.

In week 7 Connection and Relational Resilience.

In week 8 strengthen intimacy, building skills, and practices to tend to and strengthen your relational fire.

Discussing when to question the viability of the relationship.

How Will the Program Work?

The program will include 8 weekly, one-hour live coaching sessions which will happen on Zoom.
Sessions will include the content for the week and some time for questions and integrating the information.
Each week there will also be a journal prompt and some exercises to practice on your own.
When you sign up, I will reach out to organize a time for us to meet each week. We will shoot to make it the same day and time each week.
You can also reach out to ask questions during the week via email or Marco Polo.

Is This Program for Me?

This is program is designed around common challenges I see come up for cis-gendered heterosexual men in already established commited romantic relationships. This program could also be helpful for folks who do not fit that description, and could be adjusted to suit someone from a different demographic.

This program may also make sense for folks who are dealing with a break-up and trying to understand what went wrong in their relationship. However, it is not designed around the grieving process that is likely to be part of a break up.

This Program may not be for you if...

You are looking for tips on dating or for those who are wanting to find a suitable partner. This program is also not designed for folks in polyamorous relationships.

Additional Information

How much time should you expect to spend on the program?
- I’d say about 2-3 hrs per week.
- An hour for the session.
- ½-1 hour for journaling
- About an hour to practice skill building.

If you have to miss a call, I will be issuing the outlines and notes for each session.