First Relationship Tip!

Okay, today I thought I’d offer my first relationship tip. Ready? Make time to connect! That’s it. Pretty profound right?! I know, I’m a relationship guru! Haha.

A lot of what I have to offer is and will be/sound relatively simple and straight forward. Probably not always quite this simple, but I find that a lot of it can be difficult to execute effectively. Or, we just don’t actually prioritize it. There are usually good reasons for that.

I know I don’t have to tell you that we live in a crazy busy world. Most people, in my experience, are busy running around trying to get to all the things. A lot of people I talk to say things like, “There’s just no time!” While I understand that the rat race is very real, I do want to challenge the idea that we have no agency in it. Or, there’s nothing we can do. Sometimes folks are in positions where they have to maximize small margins of time and space for self and relationship. I get that.

Societally, financially, and culturally there is so much pressure to go out and conquer life and everything in it. What I find with folks I work with is that this becomes a sort of automatic mode of functioning and a place we can get stuck without recognizing it. Everything becomes a box to tick, a project that needs to be finished, or an obstacle to overcome. We live in a society that prioritizes doing over being. That sort of mode of functioning is usually not very conducive to connecting. Of course, it can be fun to overcome something together, or finish a project together. Or let's be real, sometimes just getting through a hectic week without wanting to kill each other is a win. But, most of us need to do a little more being and a little less doing.

So if you’re in a relationship, here’s a little suggestion. Make some time to just BE together this week. While you’re being, check in with how your partner is doing. Ask about what’s on their mind, what are they worried about, what are they excited about? Most likely, you’re probably already doing some version of this. I just want to invite you to bring a little more intentionality to it. Now try to resist the urge to fix anything. Try to not offer advice unless they ask for it. Try to resist the urge to make them feel better. Just try to understand. Reflect what you understand about what they’re sharing. Once you understand, just offer a little empathy. Like, “Wow yea, that sounds pretty frustrating. I can see why you feel that way.”

My partner Kate and I do this almost every day. It becomes a relational habit. We do this on dog walks, hikes, while we’re eating dinner. Just make time to be and to connect. It doesn’t have to be a date. It doesn’t have to be something special. It can be those things but it doesn’t HAVE to be. It just has to be intentional. Just be present with each other. If you can do it outside or in nature that's a bonus. Try to not be preoccupied with all of the other stuff on your to-do list, or whatever annoyances you had at work that day. The intentions are to BE, to really listen, and to connect. That’s it.

That’s all I have for you today. Take it easy and take care of yourself,

Chris