In Honor of my Indigenous Relatives, Finding Balance and Harmony

As I continue to sort out how I want to approach this new business and what feels important to talk about, there’s an intention that has been feeling particularly strong. So I thought I’d talk about it a bit since I now have this venue to do so. This is equally my own practice and process of setting some intentions, as much as it is my sharing these intentions with you so that you have a sense of what to expect and a little about the why

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This past summer, my wife Kate and I went on vacation to the Pacific Northwest. It was amazing. One of the places we stayed along the way was this little cabin in the woods in northwest Washington. The cabin had no wifi, no cell service, and was about 30-minutes from the nearest town. We had bought a bunch of books in Portland at the famous Powell’s Bookstore a few days before. In the cabin they had some old DVD’s from the 90's, but otherwise, I had no real choice but to read. I honestly haven’t read much since graduate school, but in that little cabin on that trip, I fell back in love with reading.

One of the books I bought was a book called, “As We Have Always Done” By a Michi Saagiig Nishnaabeg (Canadian First Nations Tribe) woman named Leanne Betasamosake Simpson. In the book Simpson discusses aspects of her nation’s traditional ways of being as a form of resistance against colonialism and a guide for her people to follow in the modern world. The way she wrote about her positions were unapologetically Indigenous. Some of the things she said sounded a little radical or unrealistic to me but that’s only because I read it from a colonized point of view. I have been working on my own decolonization but I am still in that process. That became quite clear as I read this book. I found the book to be incredibly informative and I really enjoyed it. More importantly, I found the way Simpson wrote about living in alignment with her people's traditional values and way of being in the modern world to be very inspiring.

I share this because I want to follow Simpson’s lead, and other native authors, in the way I talk about the things I think are important, here and in my program. I want to be unapologetically honest and real. Sometimes I may say things that seem a bit different, even counter to the ways our culture thinks about issues including relationships. My intention is not to rattle anyone’s cage or disrespect anyone’s way of being, but I will be trying to speak honestly from my own lens.

Patriarchy is a part of colonialism and in my opinion, there isn’t anything true or natural about it. Indigenous peoples of America and across the world have a lot to teach us.

Most Native nations in America traditionally functioned in a matriarchal societal structure. This impacted every aspect of society, family, and even individual identity. Things like gender and sexual diversity were normalized and accepted. In some tribes, this was true to such a degree that they don’t even have words for man, woman, or gay. Distinguishing between these was not seen as important. You may have heard the term two-spirit, which is a common native reference to folks who we would now refer to as part of the LGBTQ+ community. In native culture, two-spirit people were seen as holding sacred wisdom and had important roles in society and community. What does this have to do with relationships? Another Indigenous value that is critical for healthy romantic relationships is that there is no hierarchy. There is no concept of certain people having more power or importance than others in the society. The pursuit of life and relationship is to achieve balance and harmony.

So as I share my thoughts on relationships, this is the lens I will try to channel. We should be trying to find balance and harmony in self, family, culture and society. Not Hierarchy. Hierarchy has value in contexts like the military, organizational structure, etc., but not in identity, what makes someone valuable, or in romantic relationships.

In the words of Forest Gump, “That’s all I got to say about that.” At least for now. Take care,

Chris